Archive for the 'device' Category

Want.

“How does this work?”
“Oh I’ve seen one of these things. Yeah, yeah yeah. Okay, you’ve got to push this thing in I think and twist it.”
“Don’t force it don’t force it!”
“She’s right, my little friend. This contraption is in fact a weapon of mass destruction. Casanova plans to turn it against the city tonight at midnight.”
“Hey, something’s happening. Something’s happening.”
“Okay, very good. Now, on the wall to your left you should see two toggles side by side.”
“Oh, woah, ‘toggles’? What do you mean? You talking about switches?”
“I see them, Captain.”
“Thank you. Flip the first toggle.”
“Flipping.… (she flips it)”
“Excellent work. Now flip the—”
“Jolly good work, team! Jolly good!”
“Will you just—!…Over there, please.”
“Of course. Sorry.”
“Now flip the second toggle.”
“Do as he says, Bowler. The man knows what of he speaks.(Bowler flips the second toggle.)”
“Captain, I’m just gonna ask you directly: Do you know billionaire Lance Hunt?”
“It’s me. (Shoveler looks positively shocked) Naw, I’m kiddin’ with you. I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“What’s next?”
“I just told you, flip the second toggle.”
“…Again?”
“What do you mean?”
“Flip the toggle twice?”
“No, no no no, don’t do that. Just flip it again, now. One time. Flip it.”
(to Furious) “Does he understand what I’m asking?”
“Hold on a second. Captain, exactly how many toggle flips ‘in toto’ are involved in this entire procedure?”
(starting to really panic as the machine begins humming) “I just…it’s—Seven!”
“‘Seven’?”
“Flip it!”
“Seven?”
“Hold the phone. Everybody, hold the phone. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed, not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked ” for in a moment of panic.”
“Flip it!!”
“I—”
“Okay, you know what? You know what? Could we just start again? Is there some sort of like, reset button on this thing?”
“No you little freak there’s no button for resetting. Flip the switch lady. Don’t stare at me. Lift your left arm. Flip it, you moron!”
“Woah!”
“You’re a moron!”
“I am not a moron.”
“You’re a moron!”
“Woah, woah!”
“Flip the switch!”
“Do not call her a moron, that’s not cool.”
“Thank you.”
“I will do it! I’ll do it!”
“Flip the switch lady! Don’t look at me like that!”
“It’s this one, yes?”
(Raja flips the second toggle a second time, and the machine kicks in.)
“Uh oh. Wrong switch.”
(A beam comes out of the machine which basically fries Captain Amazing into a man-shaped carbon chunk.)
“Everybody heard me say ‘reset button’, right?”
“Oh my God. Oh my God, we killed him.”
(from his spot on the other side of the room) “What do you mean ‘we’? I was right here.”